literature

27. Lost and Found

Deviation Actions

KitsunenoTama's avatar
Published:
166 Views

Literature Text

I was rubbing small circles onto the side of my mother’s silk purse. Not out of boredom, in fact, I was not really conscious of what I was doing.

I was in a daze.

Lost.

Confused.

Overwhelmed.

Was there a police officer talking to me, trying to comfort me? I wasn’t sure. My mind wasn’t focused on the present. It was lost in the past. In the past where my parent’s weren’t killed in a car crash. In the past where we were a happy family. I was stuck there; reliving the memories of a world that was forever lost to me.

---

I could tell vaguely that there were constant people talking to me. I thought I recognized a voice sounding like my mother and I felt my mind clear then. She spoke once more and I recognized her voice as my aunt.

No. She was not my mother. I did not want to talk to her.

I went back into my memories, content to stay within them. My memories were where my parents were, I could not fully live in a world where they were not.

---

It happened again.

My aunt drew me out of my memories. Her voice called to me and brought me back. I was not happy in the slightest to find out that she had that ability over me. It wasn’t right. I did not want to be in a world without my parents.

I yelled at her. I can’t quite remember what I said, but it was harsh enough that it sent tears to her eyes.

She looked so similar to my mother that I felt guilt at having hurt her, but then I remembered that she wasn’t my mother; therefore I didn’t need to feel guilt. I retreated once more into my memories, content once more.

I did not care that she had gave me a new home with her. Nor did I care that she spent most of her time trying to make me open up. No. I did not want her company. I wanted my parent’s, and they could only be found in my memories. So, in my memories I stayed.

My aunt had taken a week off to care for me, but she had to get back to work. I did not care since I would rather her not bother me. She often was able to penetrate into my memories, and I hated that.

With her at work, I was free to do whatever I wanted at her home. I chose to merely sleep in the bed that she had gotten for me. I would dream of my memories and when I woke I would still stay there.

It was on an evening after a nap that I opened my eyes to see her sitting at the chair with her face in her hands. There were tears falling down her face, and I looked to see that on the desk was a picture of my mother and father.

I spoke up without a single thought to my words. “If you’re sad, why don’t you just retreat to your memories and be with them there?”

She had looked at me with tear filled eyes and a frown etched onto her face. “Some of us don’t have that luxury,” she replied scathingly before she stood up and hurried out of the room.

I stared at the door where she had left from, and the fog in my mind cleared the slightest bit.

---

She was making breakfast. Pancakes with a side of sausages and eggs.

I noticed that her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, sure signs that she had gone to sleep crying.

When she saw me come in, she hurriedly rubbed at her eyes and pointed to the table where a plate was already served.

I walked over to the table and sat down. I started eating and for the first time since I heard about my parent’s death, I could taste the food I was eating. I took another bite and swallowed it before looking up into the face of my aunt who was sitting in front of me. “This is good,” I murmured.

Her eyes had widened in surprise and a small smile appeared on her face. “Thank you,” she had told me, but I knew she meant it for more than the compliment.

---

The next day we ended up going to the market together. I was quiet, not sure whether to go into my memories or stay in the present.

My aunt took me to the park and we sat at a bench. She was quiet, but not because of the same reason as mine. She was quiet because of a reason entirely different.

The sun was starting to set when she broke the silence.

She started to talk about how she and my mother had come to this very park to play at. She went on and started talking more about my mother, and then about how she and my mother met my father.

I was listening, but at the same time I wasn’t.

I was remembering my parents. In a different way than before though. I remembered their smiles, and their love for me and the fog that had started to clear in my mind went away entirely.

They would not have wanted me to live like this. They loved me and would always love me, even if they were somewhere far away.

With that thought, I suddenly broke into tears. I vaguely heard my aunt gasp and then she was hugging me.

I realized then, as she was hugging me, I had truly accepted the fact that my parents were gone. They were not around anymore, but that did not mean I was lost.

My aunt knew that, and hadn’t given up on me like my other relatives had. She helped me find myself, even if I was not all that willing at first.

Was I lost still? No, I found my way out and I would stay in the present. Though my parents might be gone, I still had someone who cared for me. And that fact was why I could never be lost.

“Um,” I opened my mouth and closed it suddenly feeling shy after my bout of tears.

My aunt pulled away from me to look at my face. “What is it?” she asked.

“Can we get some ice cream? Mom always said that it makes sadness less sad,” I said smiling shyly through my still watery eyes.

Her eyes were softer as she looked at me and nodded. “Of course we can,” she had said before she stood up.

She started to walk away and I walked beside her. I placed my hand in hers and smiled. “Thank you,” I said once more.

She again knew what I meant and reached over to ruffle my head. “You can always depend on family. Always remember that.”
27. Lost and Found

If you read this and found it confusing. Good. That's the way it's supposed to be.
© 2008 - 2024 KitsunenoTama
Comments9
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Start-Writing-Club's avatar
You know, I really like the cyclic rhythm of this!
Stuck, emerging, stuck again... Until something new happened. XD

SUBMIT it to SWC already!
Cuz 'tis awesome!